


Somebody To Love

by Maraudererasmut



Series: Wolfstar Shorts [20]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Depression, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Porn With Plot, References to Depression, Scars, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 09:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maraudererasmut/pseuds/Maraudererasmut
Summary: Remus wakes up after his first moon of the summer, broken and alone. Now, more than ever, he misses his Hogwarts family.While dealing with these complex emotions, he receives an unexpected visitor.





	Somebody To Love

**Author's Note:**

> Fluff, angst and smut.
> 
> This is one of those shorts that delves right into Remus' mind and his life while also providing plenty of relief in (my type of) humour and sexy times. It's serious, it's intimate, and it's an exploration of how far Sirius and Remus' relationship has come.
> 
> Also something to note: you may notice some familiar lyrics and a song title! The boys are going to a concert soon. Music from a specific band is on the back of their minds. Fortunately, that music also touches on some pretty deep stuff, so it's highly applicable.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> As always, feel free to drop some constructive criticism my way. I've come a long way, but I still have a ways to go as a writer. We can always improve!

_Each morning I get up I die a little, can barely stand on my feet…_

 

Remus woke up on the concrete floor of his parents basement, broken and bleeding. There were teeth marks on his arms and legs where the wolf must have bitten down in frustration. Scratches ran across his torso and back, stinging in the cool basement air. The tips of his fingers were bloodied and his nails were torn to shreds, matching the deep red claw marks along the cold grey walls. Completely naked and shivering, Remus curled up into a ball and let himself cry, heavy sobs filled with profound sadness and longing. Since his friends first became animagi, Lupin rarely had to endure Moons on his own. It was only during the summers, away from his family, that the Wolf returned to its old habits of gnawing on itself and tearing at the walls. Moons at Hogwarts were for running around and freedom, they were full of release and adventure. Moons at the Lupin home were dangerous, and the monster within was angered by its circumstances.

 

Having let his emotions wash over him, Remus finally sat up and dragged himself over to the edge of his enclosure where a tattered, blood-stained towel waited for him. He grabbed the towel and pulled it through his bars, wiping himself down gingerly. Every muscle in his body ached. Every cut along his frame burned. Remus was ready to just lie down and go back to sleep, hoping to never wake up again.

 

“Remus, darling, are you awake?”

 

_Mum…_

 

Every time Remus thought about ending his misery, every time he imagined never having to go through another Moon, he was reminded of his responsibilities in the world; of the people who relied on him. His mother, who loved him so dearly and sacrificed so much for him. He couldn’t leave her. That wasn’t what gratitude looked like.

 

“Yeah…” he managed to call hoarsely. His throat hurt, as if he had spent the past night screaming.

 

“You have a visitor, sweetie. I told him that you were unavailable, but he insisted on seeing you. How… How are you feeling?”

 

_A visitor?_

 

Remus couldn’t wrap his mind around who would visit him, especially not when he was that groggy.

 

“Who… who is it, Mum?”

 

There was a pause. She must have asked him his name.

 

“Sirius...Do you know a Sirius?”

 

“ _Sirius_?!”

 

Remus hastily tied his towel around his waist and rattled the bars of his cage slightly.

 

“Mum, let me out. I wanna see him.”

 

“Are… are you sure, darling? You’re not exactly in the best shape…” He heard her murmur to Sirius. “He’s quite sick right now, very unwell. Perhaps it’s best to come back tomorrow?”

 

“No!” He called up the stairs. “No, Mum, let me out. I wanna see him.”

 

No answer for a moment.

 

“Mum?”

 

“Okay, sweetie.”

 

The door at the top of the stairs opened and his mother entered the basement.

 

“You wait right up here, darling. Remus will be up in a moment.”

 

Mrs. Lupin walked down the stairs, shoulders hunched forward, holding herself tightly. She was always a very sad woman, a deep-seeded sorrow permeating her every action. Seeing Remus in the cage, wearing nothing but a towel, blood covering his body and the walls, caused tears to start forming in her eyes.

 

“Mum…” Remus hated when his mother cried. The Moon was always difficult for her. She had to stand by while her son clawed and scratched and howled. She had to lock him in a cage at night and unlock him in the morning. She had to wash his open wounds every month for as long as she could remember.

 

“Mum, I’m okay…” Remus knew that he needed to be strong for her. He needed to show her that he would be fine. She would never survive if he wasn’t strong.

 

Mrs. Lupin smiled weakly at her son and made her way over to the sink to fill a bucket with warm water.  She headed over to the cage and unlocked it, placing the bucket and a cloth on the floor for Remus to use. As he washed his skin, he hissed at the pain. He hated this part.

 

“I’ve left some clothing for you on the chair, sweetie. Come up whenever you’re ready.” With that, she returned up the stairs, pausing a moment before opening the door. She took a deep breath, collected herself, and put on a kind smile for Sirius to see.

 

Once Remus was washed and dressed, he headed up as well. He opened the door at the top of the stairs and found himself in his mother’s kitchen, an uncomfortable shade of canary yellow that seemed to make her happy. The kitchen was empty and Remus was momentarily disappointed. Perhaps he just imagined that she said Sirius was here? It wouldn’t be the first time his mind played tricks on him after a Moon.

 

“REMUS!”

 

Remus spun around to find Sirius in the drawing room, jumping to his feet and running towards him. He almost grabbed his Moony in a full-bodied hug before noticing the state his partner was in.

 

“Merlin’s bollocks, Reme, you look terrible.”

 

Remus laughed, thankful to finally see Sirius again after all this time.

 

“What were you expecting?”

 

“I mean, you always look bad after… but my god, you look fucking _awful_.”

 

Remus heard his mom gasp in the other room and gave Sirius a loving smack on the head.

 

“Watch your language, Sere, or Mum’ll wash your mouth out with soap.” Sirius grinned cheekily at Remus, who had to resist every urge to just kiss those stupid, foul-mouthed lips.

 

“Sweetie, aren’t you going to introduce me?”

 

Remus had never brought any friends home before, and his mother was eager to meet this first one. Remus swallowed and took a deep breath. There was a good reason that he never introduced any of his friends to his family. Being here, in the Lupin residence, made Remus desolate, more miserable than he had ever been at Hogwarts. He was a different person here. A broken person.

 

“Mum…” Remus walked into the drawing room with Sirius tagging along behind him. “Mum, this is...my friend. Sirius. Sirius, this is my Mum.” Sirius gave Remus a look, and the werewolf knew that he was going to get a firm scolding later.

 

“Hello, Sirius. It’s lovely to meet you. What brings you here, today?”

 

“Oh! I wanted to see how Remus was after…”

 

“After I had sent that letter to him!” Remus interrupted, immediately cutting Sirius off.

 

“That… letter. Yes. The letter saying he… wasn’t… well?”

 

“I told Sirius I missed him and was lonely without my friends… Just regular stuff, you know?”

 

“Yes… yes, regular friend stuff. The types of things that normal friends do.”

 

The two boys grinned at Mrs. Lupin, who eyed them suspiciously.

 

“Well, gonna go upstairs and hang out with Sirius! That okay mum?”

 

She stared at her son for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on.

 

“You’re not… here for anything… dangerous, right?”

 

“Nope, nope! Just here to say hi!” Sirius was trying to be charming, but between his shaggy black hair, fingerless gloves and studded leather jacket, he must have seemed extremely imposing.

 

“You caught me, Mum,” Remus said, sliding up next to Sirius. “We… were going to do _drugs_.”

 

“What?!”

 

“Yes…” Sirius was catching on. “Yes, muggle drugs. Marijuana. Pot. It’s… it’s safe. All the kids are doing it.”

 

“Remus Lupin, you are not to do drugs while living under this roof, is that understood?” Mrs. Lupin was firm, a change from her regularly demure self.

 

“Mom…” Remus’ voice was hushed, strained. The hoarseness was clearly evident. “They...Help with pain.”

 

He knew that was all his mom needed to know to leave him alone.

 

“Oh…Yes. Yes, okay. I… I understand...You are not to tell your father, not under any circumstance. I’m heading out to the store, I expect the house not to smell when I get back.”

 

She was a muggle. Remus had no doubt in his mind that his mother had partaken in muggle drugs in the past.

 

Mrs. Lupin left the house and Sirius turned toward Remus, incredulous.

 

“ _Drugs_?!”

 

Remus laughed, grabbing Sirius’ hand.

 

“It’s better than the truth…”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Sorry Mum, I told a bunch of kids at school that I’m a werewolf, and now one of them, the boy that I snog and sometimes fool around with, is here to check on me!”

 

“That’s what I am to you?” Sirius eyed Remus playfully. “The boy you snog and sometimes fool around with?”

 

“Shut up, Padfood. Shut up and kiss me.”

 

Remus pulled Sirius in close and pressed their lips together. It was a hungry kiss, filled with need and desperation. A kiss between two lovers who were making up for lost time. Sirius wrapped his arms around Lupin, who flinched in pain.

 

“Oh, oh my god, Reme, I’m so sorry.”

 

“No, no, I’m fine,” Remus lied. He needed that kiss. He didn’t want it to end. He hated his body for hurting and not letting this moment last longer.

 

“Come on, Remus. Let’s go upstairs and “do drugs”.” Remus laughed and took Sirius’ hand, leading him up to the bedroom.

 

Moony’s bedroom was exactly what Sirius had always pictured. It was small, with a neatly organized bookshelf in the corner and an old comfy chair next to it. Beside the chair was a small collection of mugs that Remus must have forgotten to take downstairs. In the other corner was a desk, covered in scratch marks from years of writing and abuse. The bed was beside the door, neatly made with tattered, old sheets, worn and faded with use. There were no posters on the wall, no ornamentation of any kind. Remus kept his space in the dorm the same way; while all the other boys put up photographs and posters of their favourite bands and teams, Lupin preferred empty walls.

 

Sirius sat down on the bed, not bothering to ask for permission. Moony sat beside him.

 

“Thanks for coming to check on me, Sirius.” He smiled warmly at his boyfriend.

 

“Of course… this is our first Moon apart since… well, since we started dating. I was worried about you.” Remus laughed at Sirius’ sentimental side, causing the other boy to shove him playfully. “Don’t laugh! It’s true!”

 

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. But that doesn’t make it any less cheesy.”

 

Sirius leaned in and pressed a delicate kiss onto Remus’ forehead. Remus desperately wanted more than just a peck.

 

“Hey… I have a weird question…” Sirius began, hesitating slightly.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can I… Can I help you with those?” He indicated some of the scratches on Remus’ hands. Remus pulled his hands away and tried to cover them with his sleeves. “Reme, don’t. I just… I know I suck at healing charms, but I want to try to help. Please?”

 

Remus looked at Sirius, smokey grey eyes filled with concern. His boyfriend just wanted to make this day a little easier. Moony knew he needed to open up and let Sirius in, he just wasn’t sure if this was the right time.

 

Sirius reached into a pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a potion bottle.

 

“It’s supposed to help with cuts and things.”

 

Remus stared at him, completely astounded that Padfoot had thought ahead and brought this potion with him. He knew that Remus would have had a rough Moon at home and he knew that his boyfriend would need healing. Lupin was also absolutely abysmal at healing spells, his father was fighting the war, and his mother was a muggle, so they weren’t able to heal Remus’ wounds the normal way. Somehow, Sirius realized exactly what was needed.

 

“Wow…” Remus whispered, under his breath.

 

“Yeah, it’s some cool stuff. You kind of rub it on and it sort of makes them heal really fast…”

 

“I… Umm… yeah… Yeah, I’d like that. They do kinda sting.”

 

Remus shifted so that he was sitting with his back to the wall. Sirius took off his jacket and gloves and joined Remus back on the bed. He opened up the bottle and put some into his hands. Gently, carefully, Sirius brought long, thin fingers towards Remus’ bloodied arms. It was cold to the touch, and Remus flinched slightly.

 

“Did that hurt? I’m sorry…”

 

“No, no, it’s just chilly is all…”

 

“Oh… hang on…” Padfoot rubbed his hands together, warming up the potion between them. Remus lifted an arm carefully for his boyfriend, pulling back his sleeve, and Sirius used both hands to rub the potion in. Moony couldn’t tell if the tingling was from the magic working or his Padfoot’s delicate touch.

 

“Hey, you should take off your shirt so I can get your back, too…”

 

Remus hesitated for a moment. Was he ready for Sirius to see this part of his life? Was he prepared to have his best friend and lover see him in his decrepit state?

 

“It's… it's fine, Sirius. It'll heal on its own…”

 

“Remus…”

 

Lupin looked up to meet his boyfriend's eyes. They were hard and determined, his face stoic.

 

“Remus, let me help you.”

 

Remus inhaled deeply, closed his eyes and made a decision.

 

Once his shirt was off, he laid down on his stomach, giving Sirius easy access to the damage that had been done to his shoulders. Padfoot straddled Moony for ease of access, being careful not to put any weight or pressure on his aching boyfriend.

 

As Sirius rubbed the potion into Remus’ back, Remus let out a soft groan of comfort. It was nice to finally not feel the constant stinging of open wounds brushing against coarse fabric.

 

“Thanks, Pads,” Remus mumbled into his pillow.

 

“Any time.” Sirius kissed the side of Moony's face before getting up.

 

“Okay, turn around. Let's do your chest.”

 

Remus sat up, exposing fresh scratches across his torso.

 

“Sirius, I can do these ones myself…”

 

Sirius quirked an eyebrow at Moony.

 

“You want to? Go ahead.”

 

Remus considered his options.

 

“Fine, fine, put the potion on.”

 

Deep down inside, he was secretly enjoying the feeling of Sirius doting on him. He could get used to this.

 

Again, Sirius poured some potion into his hands and rubbed them together, warming it up. He reached forward and started rubbing the liquid into Moony's chest. Moony shifted his position and laid down on the bed, face up. Sirius paused for a moment.

 

“You're not done yet, are you?” Remus asked, a small grin spreading across his lips.

 

Sirius’ heart thumped in his chest, but he took a deep breath and swung his leg over so that he could help Moony with his wounds.

 

Sirius rubbing his hands along Remus’ chest was unlike anything Remus had ever known. Lupin was always so cautious, so closed to people around him, he had never allowed anyone to touch him before, to see his scars and run their fingers across them. A month ago, Remus would have pushed Sirius away, feeling uncomfortable by the whole situation. But lying there, with Sirius on top of him, gently trying to fix his broken skin, he felt like his body wasn't the only thing being healed.

 

As Sirius rubbed the cream in, careful to reach every cut along his partner's body, Remus gently placed his hands on Sirius’ thighs. At first Padfoot assumed it had been done by mistake, that his hands happened to fall there, but the hands began to wander. Remus brought them up to Sirius’ waist, tenderly caressing his lover's body.

 

“Remus…”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Sirius looked at his boyfriend, hazel eyes filling with a newfound mischief. Padfoot immediately pulled back and swung both legs over the side of the bed.

 

“Finished already?” Remus asked slyly, propping himself up on an elbow.

 

“Remus… I don't think that's a good idea. You're not in a good state right now…”

 

Remus’ smile spread wider, his eyes became more demanding.

 

“So then I guess we'll have to be careful.”

 

Sirius hesitated. He looked at Remus reluctantly.

 

“Remus, I don't know…”

 

“Sirius, it's been so long since I've gotten to kiss you, to hold you. I've missed you… a lot…”

 

Sirius didn't know if it was Remus’ words or the look in his eyes, but he knew that his resolve was about to be broken. He had promised himself that this visit was to take care of Moony, and there would be no funny business. Apparently, Moony had other plans.

 

Sirius bent over and kissed Remus tenderly. Before he had a chance to react, Remus’ hands had woven themselves through Padfoot's hair and were pulling him closer.

 

Sirius broke free in order to adjust himself again, returning to his spot above Remus’s body.

 

He leaned in and let his Moony kiss him aggressively, the whole time being careful not to put his weight on his boyfriend.

 

“Mmm, Pads…” Something in Remus’ voice drove Sirius absolutely wild, and he pressed into Remus’ neck. Kissing, licking, nibbling, Sirius worked his way from jawline to knape, causing Remus to whimper.

 

“Wow,” Padfoot murmured into Remus’ ear, biting it gently. “You must really want this… I've never heard you make _that_ noise before...”

 

“Shut up and kiss me.” Remus grabbed Sirius’ hair tightly and pulled him in, accidentally shifting Padfoot's weight onto his body.

 

Remus let out a sharp gasp of pain and Sirius pulled back.

 

“Reme, this isn't a good idea…”

 

Remus ran his fingers through those messy, dark locks and looked his Padfoot squarely in his deep, grey eyes.

 

“Sirius, I want this. I want you.”

 

That was it. All of Sirius’ resistance and qualms melted away. His Moony wanted him, and he was willing to give Moony everything he needed.

 

Gently, carefully, avoiding the tender areas around fresh cuts, Sirius kissed Remus’ neck, his collarbone, his shoulder, working his way slowly down.

 

“Mmmmm, Sirius…” Moony was moaning his name and Sirius wanted nothing more than to make him moan louder. Slowly, lovingly, Sirius continued lower, sucking on a nipple, kissing a flat stomach, reaching a pelvic bone. He could feel Remus’ breath hitch in his chest and it made him even more eager to continue.

 

Sirius tenderly licked along Remus’ waist, ending up at the top of his pants, kissing the skin just above the waistband.

 

He stopped. Padfoot looked up at his Moony and waited. The boys made eye contact and Remus smirked, rotating his hips tauntingly at his boyfriend. Sirius smiled, but didn't continue.

 

“Mmm, why'd you stop, Pads…”

 

“Is this… is this what you want, Reme?” Sirius wanted to make sure his boyfriend was one hundred percent comfortable with what was about to happen.

 

Remus moaned slightly.

 

“Yes. Yes, please… ah… I want it.” His hips were thrusting desperately, begging for Sirius to take off those pants. Sirius complied.

 

Carefully undoing a button and zipper, Padfoot pulled Moony's pants down slightly, exposing his boxers, damp with pre-cum, barely hiding an erection. Sirius’ heart skipped a beat and his breathing sped up. He was about to do something for Moony that he'd only dreamed about. He wanted to make this moment perfect.

 

Sirius bent down and gently kissed his lover's dick through his underpants, breathing warmly on it, causing it to twitch.

 

“Ahhh…” Remus gasped, hips still squirming in desperation.

 

Sirius ran his hand lightly on top of the fabric, teasing, tormenting, extending this for as long as he could.

 

“Ahh, Sirius…”

 

“Yes, Moons?”

 

“Please…” His voice was airy and pleading.

 

“Please what, Moony?”

 

Remus propped himself up on his elbows again and looked down at Sirius, whose mouth was right next to his prick, a look of greed and desire in his stormy grey eyes. Moony didn't want to give in. He didn't want to beg like Sirius asked him to, but he so desperately needed Sirius to keep going. He couldn't let this stop.

 

Remus reached forward and grabbed a handful of Padfoot's hair, brushing messy bangs back with his thumb.

 

“You know exactly what I want, Sirius.”

 

Seeing Moony like that, dominant, aggressive, Sirius didn't know how to handle himself. It was the single most attractive thing he had ever seen.

 

Sirius immediately pulled Remus’ boxers down, ignoring his original plan to prolong the tease. He needed  that cock in his mouth, and he needed it now.

 

“Ahhh!” Remus moaned loudly when Sirius’ mouth slipped over the head of his dick. He sucked, tight and moist, his tongue dancing around the sensitive area on the underside. Remus had never experienced anything like this, and his body quivered in anticipation.

 

“Yes, oh god, yes!” 

 

Sirius’ head began bobbing up and down, taking in as much of Remus as he could, using his hand to reach what he couldn't. He stroked furiously, tight and rapid, using his lips to apply pressure on the cock in his mouth.

 

“Oh...oh my god… where the _fuck_ did you learn to do this, Sirius?”

 

Sirius laughed around his Moony's dick, causing another little moan of pleasure. While this was Padfoot's first time sucking cock, he was extremely familiar with what he enjoyed in a blowjob. It was a simple matter of working backwards.

 

“Oh! Oh god…”

 

Sirius’ second hand reached down and began playing with Remus’ balls. A few fingers crept back and started massaging the tender spot right behind the ball sack, causing Moony's hips to thrust vigorously. Sirius tried keeping time, but he was struggling with Remus’ desperate movements.

 

“Ah! Sirius, yes! Yesss… Mmmmm”

 

Remus reached forward and ran both hands through Sirius’ hair, holding tight. He began fucking Sirius’ mouth, hard, unable to control himself. His body hurt but his mind was racing. He was so close. So close.

 

“Sir...Sirius… I'm...ahh... I'm gonna…”

 

Sirius sped up, sucking more furiously, working both hands, determined to make his Moony cum harder than he’d ever cum before. Remus’ back was arched, his hips helplessly thrusting.

 

“I'm…ahh… Sir... Sirius... I'm…”

 

That was it.

 

Remus exploded into Sirius’ mouth, and Sirius kept sucking, taking every last drop, not stopping until Moony's frantic panting had finally subsided. Sirius pulled away, kissing the tip of Remus’ cock as he did so.

 

Remus fell back onto his pillow, heart racing, breathing erratic, feeling completely spent. Sirius moved and flopped down beside him, snuggling up against his chest.

 

“Ah…” Remus began, trying to regain his composure. “I… I didn't do anything for you… I'm sorry Sere… here, let me help you.”

 

Remus tried to move a hand towards Sirius’ pants, but he grabbed it and pulled it in for a loving kiss.

 

“No, Reme. This was my day to take care of you. I did exactly what I wanted.”

 

Sirius smiled at his boyfriend. Yes, he was horny. He would have loved to take Remus up on his offer, but before Sirius left the Potters’ place, he had promised himself that today would be about his Moony. As he snuggled up against that slim, tender body, he knew that he made the right decision to come visit.

 

“Hey, Sirius…”

 

“Yeah, Moons?”

 

Remus hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should say what he had been thinking. Was it too early? Was this the right time? Was a monster like him even capable of complex emotions? He looked down at Padfoot, snuggled up against his chest and remembered exactly why he wanted to say it in the first place. Moony leaned in and gently kissed the tangled mess of Padfoot’s hair.

 

“Sirius...I love you.”

 

Sirius’ heart skipped a beat. Remus had never said that to him before. He didn't respond. He simply pressed his body tightly against Moony's and held it for as long as he could.

 


End file.
